Two Events

It's Friday, December 14, 2012

Christy called me at work at about 2:30 p.m. How long will you be at work? Until 3:00 or 3:30. We would like to stop by. (It sounds cynical, but I guess it's time for my annual 30-minute-office-Christmas party with them.)
A few minutes later, the 'other' six Brummetts knock on my office door. I hardly recognized them. They're all so much taller. Eric is taller than me, and his voice his deeper (he's 13-1/2). Garrett is tall and skinny. Ty and Courtney are no longer 'toddlers.' I think I'm in shock. They gave me a Christmas card and money.

I hugged them all (including Christy). They were in Redlands for a doctor appointment for Eric. He had broken his right foot (in 3 places) a few weeks ago and today he finally got the 'boot' off. We chatted a bit. Eric still remembers roller-skating in the fellowship hall with his 'heelie' tennis shoes (the tennis shoes with roller skate wheels in the heel). That's a good memory. I used to think Eric was just a miniature Rick - but today, I don't know. His mannerisms are different from Rick's. He still looks a lot like him, but he doesn't act like him, at least not the little boy I knew.
I babysat Garrett at the building, too. But he was less than a year old and wouldn't remember.
Eric is wearing a retainer. He's in between two rounds of braces. Round two begins in about 6 months he said. He's still into Lego's. He no longer likes the 'kits' that you can only build what's pictured on the box. He just likes boxes of random 'building bricks' to design your own thing. He wants to be an architect. He still loves racing video games. Garrett is in to Lego's too, but still likes the kits and loves the Avengers. Ty also plays with Lego's and super heroes. Courtney is very 'girly,' and currently likes My Little Pony.
Before they left I asked (as I always do) to take a picture of the kids. It's the only ones I have of them. All at my office. Does make me wonder how and where I'll see them when I retire? [ha] Of course, by then, Eric will be 18, Garrett, 15 - they'll probably just drive themselves! Anyway, Christy said, Why don't I take your picture with them and Rick. So, we did. Then...she suggested one of me with Eric and Garrett. I thought that was very telling. Kind of an acknowledgement that those are the two who know me, and have any kind of relationship with me. Three pictures and they are ready to go...
I have to admit, they seem happy and well-adjusted. I think to soothe my conscience and trying to make sense of the situation, I've always pictured them as unhappy, living with a psycho mom ... but you can see a fun-loving relationship between Christy and Eric as they bantered back and forth. Garrett seems calmer than when he was younger. Ty and Courtney were very happy, lots of smiles... so, what's the deal? It makes less and less sense to me.
BUT - on a day when the hearts of America are breaking over the tragic elementary school shooting in Connecticut earlier today, where 20 young children, and 6 teachers were killed by a 20-year-old guy - and you just want to draw your children (and grandchildren) close to you and hug them and never let them go, I got to hug my oldest boy. And I did. I've missed him so much, for so many years. 

The Day After...

It is the day after the 2012 Presidential election. It is the day after President Obama was re-elected for a second term.

It is the day after. What will be the aftermath? It is hard to believe that a nation could be so deceived...again. Or maybe it's still. It is proof of how far we've fallen.

I'm not a political person. I don't listen or watch the news - unless California is on fire. I don't read the newspaper. I rarely even look at the headlines on the internet. I don't know or understand all of the politics involved in an election. But, I do know this. I know how much worse our personal lifestyle is today, than it was four years ago. When Ron and I got married five years ago, we usually went out to eat twice a week - five of us. Now, we rarely go out to eat and almost never if we have any of the kids. The only time we've all gone out to eat this year has been on Ron's birthday (and I paid). And Ron, Matthew and I went on my birthday (and I paid). Substitute the word charged rather than paid. We don't go on vacations or even day trips. My trips to Oregon to see my kids and grandkids are down to once or twice a year instead of three. We only go to see his family when his parents pay for us to come out, which they did in 2008 and again this year. We don't go to movies. We don't have entertainment at all except TV and Netflix and football games. Many times we can't really 'afford' to go to the games, we go because our kids are playing. And when we go anyway, it's at the expense of something else. Paying a bill gets postponed. Or he goes into 'overdraft.' I only go shopping for clothes when I need something for a special occasion . Most of the clothes I wear I've had for more than four or five years. I don't spend as much on scrapbooking or decorating for the house. Are we the only ones feeling the effects of the bad economy?

Today as Bon Jovi and I were walking around the neighborhood near the church, another house was up for sale. That's three houses for sale in a 2 block area. And there are signs that another one has been abandoned and will probably be for sale soon.

I know a lot of people were in prayer about this election. There was -there is-  alot at stake here. I prayed many times throughout the day yesterday as I watched people come and go to vote (our church is a polling location). I prayed for God to intervene. I prayed for me to accept whatever the election result was. I prayed 'thy will be done.'

It's the day after ... I wonder what the days which follow will bring. God help us...

They know about you...

Thursday, October 18, 2012
This kinda follows along with yesterday's post, Aren't You? As I wrote then, I've tried to be almost invisible in my stepkid's public lives at school, etc. I think part of that was to save embarrassment on my part in case they didn't acknowledge me in public or just blew me off or something (part of them not knowing where I fit since they have a mom...). But it seems I'm very visible.
Matthew mentioned a few weeks ago that his football friends ask if "dee-JUH" is up there - meaning am I up in the bleachers at the football game, especially the Thursday afternoon JV games. The way they say my name is almost like a chant, 'dee-JUH' with emphasis on the last part of my name. I think it's cute. It means they accept me. It means Matthew accepts me. Him telling me about it means he accepts that they accept me. (I know a little drama, right?)
So today is the JV game between cross town rivals Redlands High School and Redlands East Valley. It was another loss for the JV squad - losing 20-0. The game was played at REV, so when I left I drove straight to Redlands High to wait for Matthew. It took them about 30 minutes to just get across town - crazy. The bus finally pulled up to the curb. When Matthew got off he saw me parked in the bus loop. He shouted "dee-JUH." I was a little surprised, but I waved... and continued waiting for him to come out of the locker room.
When he got in the car he said, "Sorry about the big shout it. But they know about you." They know about you? what does that mean exactly. They know I take him to school every day. They know I pick him up from school every day. They know I'm in the bleachers from kick-off until the final buzzer goes off every game (unless it's a very long distance away game.) They know I'm your stepmom. They know you have accepted me and love me as your stepmom? 
They know about me...Cool!

Aren't you?...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I've blogged before about 'being known by name.' How in today's seemingly impersonal world, a world where more often than not you're known by a number than by your name - how validating it is to be recognized and known by name.
Today was another example. Throughout my relationship with Ron and his kids - both while dating and since we've been married, I've felt almost invisible. Not in a bad way, but just kind of low-key, not trying to draw attention to myself as their stepmom. Just being there without drama. They have had enough drama in their life... Anyway, today while waiting to pick Matthew up from football practice, I noticed the tickets to Friday night's game against cross-town rival, Redlands East Valley (REV) were on sale... I had already mentioned to Ron that I wanted to get the tickets in advance and here was the perfect opportunity (and, I actually had cash in my wallet!). I was already parked in front of the ticket booth, so opening the windows and leaving Bon Jovi inside, I got out and purchased the two tickets for the game. Then got back into my car to continue waiting for Matthew.
A few minutes later a couple of other ladies came up to the window to buy tickets. One of them saw Bon Jovi and said, what a cute dog. Then she saw me in the car, and said, "you're Matthew Bennett's stepmom, right?" "yes." The other lady said, "Oh, and Aaron Bennett." "yes..."  That was it. Just that quick exchange, they continued with their ticket purchase and I continued to wait. As I sat there, I thought about how surprised I was that they knew who I was...and how proud I was to be known as Matthew and Aaron Bennett's stepmom...
I've been identified as Ron's wife. As Rick and Michael's mom. As Bevan, Trevor, Julian and Dawson's grandma. And now as Matthew and Aaron's stepmom...known not by name, but by relationship, makes me feel very special...and no longer invisible. 

Meeting the Parents...

Saturday, September 15, 2012

We've met Sarah's boyfriend, Pete, only once and then just for a few minutes. Tonight Aaron is playing football in Mission Viejo. Pete's parents live there, so they, along with Pete and Sarah, came to the game.

They arrived around half-time with the game in full swing. Ron and Peter (the dad) talked quite a bit during the ball game, but Marcy (the mom) and I didn't really chat too much until after the game while standing around waiting for Aaron and while walking to our cars.

From the questions she asked, I gathered that Sarah has told them alot about us. Not a bad thing, but just a little interesting since we know very little about them - other than "they are awesome people, just like you and Dad" according to Sarah's text message a couple of days ago.

For instance: that my full name is "Cordeiga." I rarely even think about the fact that Sarah knows that, much less that she would tell someone...or that we met in the spa and her Dad kept trying to shew the kids out of the spa and into the pool so he could talk to me...or how much happier her Dad is now since I became part of their lives and have him in a more healthy routine of regular meals ( not fast food), and a regular sleeping schedule. (not to mention all of the things he doesn't have to do, now that those tasks have been delegated to me.)...or what a big challenge I took on when I married a man with three children, who at the time were, 16, 14, and 11. Still lots of 'parenting' years ahead... Marcy marveled at the fact that I was willing to do that, too. And yes, it was a challenge and at times they were a handful to handle, BUT and this is a big BUT - Ron has always, always supported my role and authority. I know it wasn't easy for him at times, it wasn't popular with the kids, and it certainly wasn't easy for me...but it was right and fair.

And the proof of the success of our marriage so far is in this testimony of our life together as told by Sarah to her boyfriend's parents...

I Want to Remember...

I want to remember the anticipation of calling my grandsons in Portland, Oregon to see how their first day of school went.

I want to remember how much I enjoyed it when Bevan answered the phone with a sweet hello because he knew it was me from Caller ID.

I want to remember that today is Bevan's first day of High School. High School! He has Global Science (or is it History?), Spanish, English, and Math ... he's not looking forward to Spanish. He's frustrated, but not about school (at least not yet). He's frustrated over some problem with You Tube. Oh, that is so Bevan. I have to smile.

I want to remember how excited Trevor is being back at school. He cracks me up - As a 7th grader, he's just this 'so uber-cool' (pre)teen - speaking in that way that only teen boys can. And yet, he's always excited to talk to me, and always tells me he loves me. I'm soaking up those words. He's playing soccer again this year and I'm so happy he's enjoying that and continuing it from last year.

I want to remember how Julian said, "Ok, we've talked about my first day. How was your first day?" And that is so Julian. He always asks about what I'm doing and how my day is. He's in 5th grade this year - seriously cannot believe that. He really likes his teacher, and a lot of his friends from previous years are in his class again.

I want to remember Dawson being just as surprised about him being in 4th grade as I am! He said, it's so weird switching from lower grades to upper grades. He likes his teacher, too. And that is always good.

I want to remember these phone conversations. I want to remember these important 'first days of school.' 

But these are the things I miss ... first days and soccer games.

Redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb...

Last Sunday, {April 29, 2012}, our church hosted the 'word for word' musical journey, "Revelation," performed by More Than These Productions. They literally use only the words from the NIV translation of the book of Revelation as the 'script' for this performance. The words have been put to music and there's special lighting and choreography (aka dancing)... In a word, it was amazing. I've read the book of Revelation at least 31 times. I know that, because I've read through the Bible every year for 31 years...there have been Bible classes and sermons on the book through the years, too. How did I miss the story?... and I found myself wondering, "Is my name written in the Lamb's book of life?"
It had been a rough week. It had been a rough month. And many times during the month, I knew I didn't like who I was at a particular moment. I sounded harsh in something I said. I didn't always treat someone with kindness (the way I would want to be treated.) I felt stressed out. overwhelmed. under appreciated. and just plain tired.
Now, witnessing the great and awesome story ... where God reveals that the battle has already been won. I am wondering... but wait. I have been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb...(now I just need to act like it!)

P.S. True story. This morning, in Portland, Oregon, my soon-to-be-ten grandson, Julian, says to his dad: "I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. Now can I go outside?" 

Week in the Life, 2012

http://aliedwards.com/2010/01/week-in-the-life.html 
I'm joining Ali Edwards, one of my most fave scrapbook artists, in documenting a Week in My Life. It's the perfect way for me to document my week-long visits to see my grandsons in Portland, Oregon. Can't wait to see what design coolness she has for us this year.

A book worth reading...

The name of the book is "Winter Garden," by Kristin Hannah. She's a new author for me, and if this book is any indication - she will become one of my favorite authors.

The book is about a family, in particular a mother and her two daughters. It's also got a little mystery thrown in. The story was great and kept my interest, but what was most intriguing for me about this book was one of the characters. The older daughter, Meredith. I kept seeing me in her throughout the book. I turned down so many corners on the pages that revealed pieces of me.

One of the quotes which captured my attention was actually about the other daughter in the book, Nina. She's a photo journalist. She knew that would be her life work when "the pictures stopped being just images and began to tell stories." I love that. That's why I scrapbook now - to tell the stories, not just display the images.

Then when the Dad passes away, the mom distraught by her grief says, "He is my home. How will I live without him?" Ahh...love. true love.

But about Meredith. "Relying on people...had never felt natural to her. The last thing she wanted was to give someone the power to hurt her." Oh, that is so me. It's why I'm a control freak and getting more so every day. I can't allow anyone the chance to have that power over me ... ever again.

And then when she's grieving the loss of her dad, and concerned that her mother has 'gone around the bend,' her husband, trying to get over, around or through the wall she's put up, asks, "Do you still love me?" She wished he'd asked her that an hour ago, or yesterday, or last week. Anytime except now, when even the ground beneath her felt unreliable. She thought his love was a bulkhead that could hold back any storm, but like everything else in her life, his love was conditional." Oh, I've been there...

So, Meredith (like me) thinks constant activity is the answer. If you just keep doing...you can't think. And so while the younger sister is trying to solve the mystery of their mom's life; Meredith is packing boxes...Nina says: "Keep boxing up her (mom's) life. I know how much you want everything to be neat and labeled. You're a barrel of laughs. Honest to God, Mere, how can your kids and Jeff stand it?" (not knowing that Jeff has left...) As long as she was moving, she could contain her grief. Her routine had become her salvation. (Sound like anyone we know?...)

The book has a good ending... the mystery of their mom's life is revealed. the relationship between the mother and her daughters is mended. Jeff returns and the relationship between he and Meredith is restored. and she finds herself. she discovers what she wants. in the end she knows what is true. what is good.

It's weird seeing yourself so clearly in a character like this. I hope my life has a good ending too. that I discover what I want. that I learn to trust.  

Signs of the Times, part 2

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It's been almost a month since I wrote a blog post, and prior to signing in had already decided to title this post 'signs of the times,' not realizing that my last post had that same title. I guess the signs of the times have been all around me, and on my mind recently. Today, as Bon Jovi and I were taking a walk through the neighborhoods around the church, I saw a Vacant Property sign posted on one of the houses we pass by each day. This is a nice well established neighborhood. And yet, even here, people are losing their homes. Houses are left vacant and taken over by the bank. It's a sobering sign of the times, and I know that Ron and I are just one paycheck away from being in the same boat. And knowing that, makes us very grateful for our jobs, even when we complain about our jobs (as we all do).
When January 1 rolled around this year, I think all of us were happy to have twenty-11 behind us. But, unfortunately, many of the same issues and problems have followed us right into twenty-12!
I don't know the story of the house in the neighborhood behind the church, why it is vacant. But I know the story in our house and how difficult it is to make ends meet ... but we are trying to put our faith in God. My daily Bible reading today was a reminder that putting our trust and faith in God is exactly what we should do. God told Abraham,
 “Do not be afraid, 
   I am your shield,
   your very great reward."
We shouldn't be afraid either. God is our shield and our reward will be great.