They know about you...

Thursday, October 18, 2012
This kinda follows along with yesterday's post, Aren't You? As I wrote then, I've tried to be almost invisible in my stepkid's public lives at school, etc. I think part of that was to save embarrassment on my part in case they didn't acknowledge me in public or just blew me off or something (part of them not knowing where I fit since they have a mom...). But it seems I'm very visible.
Matthew mentioned a few weeks ago that his football friends ask if "dee-JUH" is up there - meaning am I up in the bleachers at the football game, especially the Thursday afternoon JV games. The way they say my name is almost like a chant, 'dee-JUH' with emphasis on the last part of my name. I think it's cute. It means they accept me. It means Matthew accepts me. Him telling me about it means he accepts that they accept me. (I know a little drama, right?)
So today is the JV game between cross town rivals Redlands High School and Redlands East Valley. It was another loss for the JV squad - losing 20-0. The game was played at REV, so when I left I drove straight to Redlands High to wait for Matthew. It took them about 30 minutes to just get across town - crazy. The bus finally pulled up to the curb. When Matthew got off he saw me parked in the bus loop. He shouted "dee-JUH." I was a little surprised, but I waved... and continued waiting for him to come out of the locker room.
When he got in the car he said, "Sorry about the big shout it. But they know about you." They know about you? what does that mean exactly. They know I take him to school every day. They know I pick him up from school every day. They know I'm in the bleachers from kick-off until the final buzzer goes off every game (unless it's a very long distance away game.) They know I'm your stepmom. They know you have accepted me and love me as your stepmom? 
They know about me...Cool!

Aren't you?...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I've blogged before about 'being known by name.' How in today's seemingly impersonal world, a world where more often than not you're known by a number than by your name - how validating it is to be recognized and known by name.
Today was another example. Throughout my relationship with Ron and his kids - both while dating and since we've been married, I've felt almost invisible. Not in a bad way, but just kind of low-key, not trying to draw attention to myself as their stepmom. Just being there without drama. They have had enough drama in their life... Anyway, today while waiting to pick Matthew up from football practice, I noticed the tickets to Friday night's game against cross-town rival, Redlands East Valley (REV) were on sale... I had already mentioned to Ron that I wanted to get the tickets in advance and here was the perfect opportunity (and, I actually had cash in my wallet!). I was already parked in front of the ticket booth, so opening the windows and leaving Bon Jovi inside, I got out and purchased the two tickets for the game. Then got back into my car to continue waiting for Matthew.
A few minutes later a couple of other ladies came up to the window to buy tickets. One of them saw Bon Jovi and said, what a cute dog. Then she saw me in the car, and said, "you're Matthew Bennett's stepmom, right?" "yes." The other lady said, "Oh, and Aaron Bennett." "yes..."  That was it. Just that quick exchange, they continued with their ticket purchase and I continued to wait. As I sat there, I thought about how surprised I was that they knew who I was...and how proud I was to be known as Matthew and Aaron Bennett's stepmom...
I've been identified as Ron's wife. As Rick and Michael's mom. As Bevan, Trevor, Julian and Dawson's grandma. And now as Matthew and Aaron's stepmom...known not by name, but by relationship, makes me feel very special...and no longer invisible.