Happy 40th Birthday, Rick!

So, today is my oldest son's 40th birthday. Yikes! how did I get old enough to have a son who is 40... The feelings about that will have to wait until another post. As mentioned in my post a couple of days ago, we haven't spoken in a couple of years, and haven't seen each other longer than that. Still I send cards... today I decided to try calling the last number I had for them. After three rings, Rick said, "Hello." I was more than a little surprised, but I said "Hi, Rick. It's your Mom." "Hi, Mom." I wished him a Happy Birthday. Asked how he was doing (Fine). Then I didn't know what to say. It was awkward. I even told him I didn't know what to say. So, he asked how my husband and family were doing. Good - they're getting older too. Then he said, "Today is Ty's birthday, too. He's 4." I said, "I sent him a card. I thought it was his birthday, but I didn't know how old he was." So, he's 4... we chatted just a few more minutes then I was starting to cry, so I said good-bye. Awkward, yes. But so nice to hear his voice. I told him I loved him. He said, "I love you, too."

When?

When did I become no longer the best? I discovered some 'old' keepsakes today. An odd assortment of cards from my younger son, his wife, their first little boy. A printout of the sonogram picture of Eric (Rick's oldest). And, a Mother's Day card from Rick (no date, but it must have been 1997 since he got married in 1998). A beautiful card, signed "You're the best. I love you, Rick."
He turns 40 in 3 days. I haven't spoken to him (or more accurately, he hasn't spoken to me) in about 2 years. I send birthday cards every year. I send birthday cards and gift cards for birthdays and Christmas to 2 'unknown' grandchildren ... so, when did I become no longer 'the best?'
The relationship is obviously complicated. It's been complicated since 1998, but it's gotten progressively worse since his dad and I divorced 8 years ago.
Still, whenever I read a card or note from him that I've saved. I remember the little boy, the teenager, the young adult, my oldest son. Who was my best friend. Who thought I was the best.

Happy Birthday Bon Jovi (the dog)...

{July 11, 2008}
I guess it's pretty tiring to turn three years old. Here's Bon Jovi on his third birthday - looking oh so cute sleeping on my chair. You have certainly changed our lives... we love you little pup!

Some Kind of Wonderful...

{July 10, 2011}
Our 4th anniversary was July 1. On that day we were busy working and then picking up Sarah at LAX. She was returning from Argentina. So, we're just now celebrating... it was worth the wait. The mountains have always been my favorite. I love the cool, crisp, clean air. I love the silence -except for the rustling of the leaves, and the water rushing in the creek. I love all of the tall trees. I love the mountains. And from where we live, it's just a quick 30-40 minute drive to get to the mountains. Even though it's my favorite place, today is the first time in the seven years we have known each other that we went! You planned the little trip yourself (so romantic). We packed a few snacks, water, a book to read for me, a fishing pole for you, a chair, and toilet paper (you never know...). We had a great time talking, walking, fishing, reading, just being... being together, being in the mountains, being quiet, being happy... It was a perfect day (well, except for maybe when you fell into the creek). Thank you, sweet hubby...it was some kind of wonderful! Love you...

"Yeh, it's helped alot..."

We had just picked Matthew up. We hadn't seen him all weekend and we were talking about what he had done over the weekend. "Nothing much. Hung out with friends, but nothing much." Then he was talking about one of his friends who has been on a weight loss craze. He's lost about 30 pounds and is now bordering on anorexic. He's one of about six children, a victim of a broken home and we suspect the lack of a strong father figure has contributed to a low self-esteem, causing at least some of the compulsive dieting and exercising. Matthew is a little concerned about his friend. But his friend has a big ego (to hide the low self-esteem) and so he's not interested in Matthew's help.

Ron commented on the situation and how he understood some of the friend's issues and how he needed a dad, and even more importantly a real relationship with God. He went on to talk about how he had struggled with providing the right environment, a more disciplined routine, and spiritual example while he was a single dad. He said, "Two things really helped - one, marrying Deiga..." Matthew said, "Yeh, that helped a lot!" I was surprised by the conviction of his words. Such a positive affirmation of my influence in his life, and an indicator of how much his attitude and behavior has changed in the last 4 years. (The other source of positive influence and help was Ron's parents - but they live in South Carolina, so it was long distance and not a 'daily' influence).

Before going to bed, Ron talked about Matthew's reaction and how much the kids love me and how much my influence in their lives has helped... just those words - both from Matthew and Ron - go a long way in helping me know I'm being a good role model for them. And on this day, it's a great feeling ...